Apple’s New Tablet: Get a Life!

Apple Tablet!!!Okay, this is going to be a short one because without any shadow of a doubt it could easily end up being 5000 words long and my rant still wouldn’t be over. So here goes…

Please, for the love of god, stop making stuff up about Apple’s new tablet! In fact, Apple hasn’t even confirmed they are going to be making a tablet and we won’t hear a word until Wednesday. I’ve seen incredibly ridiculous (incredulous really) headings online about an unreleased and unannounced device that make it so incredibly obvious how much the media and consumers are Apple tools…

And the worst part is that despite the fact that I’m awesome, I’ve still been turned into a tool. See, I spent exactly 7 minutes mocking up my own Apple tablet for use on this blog entry. I think it turned out pretty good for a 7 minute mock-up job. The best part is that I only needed two shapes and a screenshot of OSX and I could have fooled you all into thinking it was Apple promo material.

Some classics over the past week include:

Apple Tablet an Ideal Business Tool

What that should have read is “I’d Love to Play with a Tablet at Work“. Then they start trying to guess names for this thing: “It could be an iSlate, or an iSlab, or an iTablet, or perhaps even an iPod Tablet Edition.” Aside from the fact that all those names are laughable (iSlate, really?) why are we even discussing it? Don’t we have better things to do with our lives than get wet over the name of an ideal business tablet that isn’t even confirmed to exist yet?

Apple’s Tablet: a gizmo to save the world

Wow, this is going to be good, Apple is going to save our planet. I don’t think the word “overhyped” even fits this article. I mean think about it, the whole premise here is that we are all going to die and Apple’s unannounced tablet will save us all. Then again, I should be ecstatic – we aren’t all going to go the way of the dinosaur in 2012! Reason enough to fork out cash for Apple’s new mystery device.

iTablet may save publishing

I think that finally we are starting to cool down a bit here – at least the word overhyped fits the bill this time. Still, you have to appreciate the irony here, the media bringing you an article published online asking the question whether a tablet will save the very publishing we know, love and read online today.

Can Apple save the written word?

Yes, obviously all languages will cease to exist without Apple making a tablet… Obviously!

Now don’t take any of this the wrong way, I’m sure that Apple and its engineers have put a huge amount of work into whatever device it is that they are launching. What’s more, I’m sure it will be a great product with some really cool applications. In fact in case you hadn’t noticed that I never actually spend time complaining about Apple so I’ll spell it out for you: I can’t stand Apple tools. It’s such an incredible shame that I can’t rightfully go and buy an Apple product without looking and feeling like a Jobs drone…

As per usual though, props to Steve Jobs for making a fool out of all of us.